The Road from Salvation


April 7-8, 2031

A case came to the attention of the company in which a young girl named Kathy Hanlon had been kidnapped. Bright green fur was found at the scene, suggesting something beyond the normal comprehension of the police. Further, Kathy’s brother and guardian, Karim, remembered hearing a deep voice singing strange music, perhaps followed by “Bye, I’m Jonas.” The latter clue led the police to label Jonas Ambrosius Pearson as a person of interest, given his convictions about the supernatural, involvement with a prior homicide, and history of mental illness. The former clue led the company to some green fur preserved within a book in Dean’s collection, chronicling a medieval demon slayer’s pursuit of the Kr├╝melmonster. The fur was similar, as was an account of children being led off by music. In fact, the company linked this text to events in 13th century Germany, as recounted in “The Pied Piper of Hamelin.” Through some online research and with the help of the talented cybervangelist David Starsky, the company were led to the home of a Connecticut school teacher and Weezer fanatic, Emily Gardener. The company infiltrated her lair, found three children— Kathy, Erin, and Patrick— and somehow simultaneously stole the children and won her trust. Of course, until the plan was complete, Jonas, Dean, and (mostly) C.C. were the object of aggression for an indestructible green monster. From there, it became slowly clear that she had contracted her curse from Rivers Cuomo, frontman for Weezer. It seemed that he was the original pied piper, and had taken inspiration for his current form from the Weser River in Germany. The company immediately traveled to Cleveland, the site of the most recent Weezer concert, where they confronted Cuomo. Back in the city, Dean was tasked with keeping the children— who apparently had also fallen under the curse— sedated. In Cleveland, Cuomo quickly caught on that the company did not have his best intentions at heart (Arthur shot him in the chest), and transformed into a huge, multicolored, shaggy horror. Cuomo beat on the company, swallowed C.C., and was not slowed by the several bullets put into him. The day was saved, though, when C.C. hurled his heart/mystical-ball-of-yarn out of a large bullet hole and Jonas hastily unwound it. The party walked away from Cuomo’s dead human form, suspecting that this would be written off as a drug overdose. The curse lifted from the children, who retain a pretty hazy memory of the events, while Emily was returned to the body of a fourteen-year-old and was provided with some new identity information by Dean. Nate, previously involved in keeping the police away from Jonas, had some final insight on the true nature of the kr├╝melmonster, gained from being raised bilingual.



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